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“HELP! A Catfish Has My Nude Pics and Is Blackmailing Me for $1,000!”
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April 8, 2024 by Connell Barrett Leave a Comment
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ASK THE DATING COACH: A romance expert takes your questions on love, lust, and how to find The One.
I was texting someone on a dating app. Wet felt like a great vibe. I seemed to be directed by her some nudes, and I delivered again some R-rated photographs. But it was a scam!
The next message told me to “cooperate” and send $2,000 or else they would deliver the photos to everyone I learn on the subject of Myspace, including my mom and my boss.
I sent $250 over a cash app. Should the remainder is compensated by myself? I feel like such an idiot.
-Anonymous, 39, Chicago
You’re not alone, Anonymous. The U.S. Homeland Security received over 3,000 sextortion complaints in 2022, an all-time high in the United States. The crime of sextortion-blackmailing someone by threatening to share explicit images of them-is on the rise.
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So don’t blame yourself. You’re human. Con artists are usually great found at what they conduct deviously. It’s not your fault. They first prey on your innate desire for romantic connection, and then they food on the failure you would feel if your supervisor or mom cut those personal photos. You were victimized and tricked.
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As for next steps, do NOT pay this scam artist another penny. The more you engage with them, the more they’ll threaten you. Negotiate having a new blackmailer In no way. They find out they earned’d acquire another dime from you After, they’ll lose the incentive to share your photos-a threat that was likely an empty one to begin with.
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Cease all communications with them. (Try 1-800-CALL-FBI.) You can enter a scams submission with the money app you applied furthermore, to try and get your $250 back. Take screen shots of all of your interactions with them. Report them immediately, first to the relevant dating app, and next to the FBI.
= $ =p>You might, FBI? I only need this to visit apart. Taking your case to the Feds could stop this sociopath from doing this to other men. So pay it forward. You are heard by me. But you possess a great deal of data, from saved screen-shots to the scammer’s online and cash-app handles.
Here are some ways to avoid being a victim of sextortion going forward.
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- Never send explicit photos or personal information to anyone you haven’t met IRL. - If somebody you don’d understand questions you for personalized racy or details pictures, say no.
- Report threats by screenshotting any potential evidence. Save all conversations, messages or chats.
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Now, if you’re flirting with a new crush, and you’re concerned that their profile is fake, a photography might come to be work by you of them through a reverse-image lookup at www.Tineye.com.
A parting tip: Unless you’re on the Antiques Road Show, demonstrate a new stranger your own fast hardly ever.
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I’VE HAD BITTER DAYS
I’m almost 30 and I have never had a girlfriend. I feel rejected by women, and bitter and resentful also. If I had been born an attractive woman, I would possess a lot of dating options. It’s not fair just.
The thing is, I don’t want to resent women. It bothers me. I feel stuck. I can’t get a girlfriend, and I can’t escape experienceing bitter when I see women get fawned over and pursued, without having to work on their dating lives like I’m forced to do.
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Why is it so easy for women and so hard for men like me?
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-Martin, 30, Los Angeles
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I know all about feeling rejected by women, Martin. I attracted only one woman into my life, and I wasn’t all that into her. Nine weeks after we tied the knot, she kept me for a mustachioed dude on a Harley. With no other romantic options, I decided to settle and marry her because that seemed better than being alone. My 20s was a lonely decade.
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You read that right. But I was laughing through tears. Nine weeks. “The marriage was over so that we fought against for custody of the wedding cake fast, ” I joked to friends at the ideal time. I felt bitter, resentful and rejected.
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Then I read Man’s Search For Meaning, by holocaust survivor Viktor Frankl. In his groundbreaking book, Frankl causes the complete situation that enduring is portion of getting individual. But we can discover empowerment and indicating in our challenges. We can transform pain into purpose by asking a simple yet powerful question: We cannot avoid it.
“How is thwill be happening for me, rather than to me?”
My bitterness came from playing the victim. Because women are shallow. Why is dating so hard? ” The answers arrived back as, “Because you’re not attractive. And playing the victim came from asking the wrong questions: “Why me? Because it’s just the way it is.” Why don’t women like me?
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Ask a toxic question, get a harmful answer.
But when instead I asked, “How is this happening for me?”, I got a better (not bitter) answer: “This problem is a gift. Wet’s a call to action to get great at dating, become a better man, and find a loving partner.”
This reframe turned my victim story into a hero’s journey. It’t the virtually all significant do the job I’ve accomplished on myself actually, and it’s what led me to a career as a dating coach, helping thousands of good men find love. I embarked on a years-long quest to crack the code of male-female connection.
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My lonely 20s and my failed “marriage” happened FOR me, not TO me.
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Martin, when you ask “Why is dating so hard for me? Your pain stems from perceived unfairness. Therefore, I’m bitter. When you ask, “Why will be it so easy for women? ”, I hear the whiff of victimhood in your issue. ”, your answer invites resentment. It’s easy for women but hard for me.
So ask a better question: “How is thwill be happening for me, rather than to me?”
Could this be an opportunity to grow? Of declaring “I’n obligated to job on my going out with living Rather,” how about realizing “I GET to work on my dating life”?
What a wonderful, vital self-improvement project you get to tackle! You get to build the cathedral of your character. You get to hone social skills that will serve you in multiple life arenas. You get to solve a challenge that, fixed once, will bring allure and fulfillment and take pleasure in. You get to grow more confident.
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Yes, I concede that many women (and plenty of men) have an easier time getting dates than you do. But attractive women have dating problems, too.
I once went on a first date with Rebecca, a bright, beautiful businesswoman We’d met on Bumble. Actually the wondering going out with trainer, I asked to see how many men had “liked” her profile. She held up her phaboute to rat theveal 5,000+ wannabe suitors in her cue!
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This weighed on her. Hard to search for a good excellent man It’t.” “I’m not interested in most of them, and tons of guys I go with with need intercourse just. “It’s overwhelming,” she sighed.
Worry? Not If You utilize How To Ask A Girl For Nudes The fitting Approach!
Everyone has dating problems.
So stop asking “Why me? ” These queries result in the bitterness and are jealous of you need to get away. ” or “Why are women so lucky?
Here are three powerful questions to ask instead.
1: What can I do today to become 1% better as a man?
Don’t underestimate the power of steady, incremental improvement. Every day time for a 12 months If you develop as a guy simply 1 pct, in 12 months you’ll end up 37 TIMES more evolved, date-able and attractive.
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2: How can I empathize with women’s dating woes?
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Empathy is a superpower. To jettwill beon envy, practice empathy. Women have to deal with lewd selfies, creeps, stalkers and the threat of sexual violence. It’t practically tough to think sympathy for females and bitterness toward them concurrently.
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3: How can I give to women while staying true to myself?
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In love as in life, you gotta give in order to get. Get better at flirting, connecting, listening, approaching, and so on. Just make sure you do these things not mainly because a supplicating people-pleaser but as the awesome, authentic man you are at your core. Consequently training the creative fine art of giving in courting. To get what you want (a great girlfriend), you have to bring something to the table.
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You’re on a hero’s journey, Martin. Experiencing and busting these road blocks will help to make you a much better, more evolved man, while leading you to your soulmate. If I could go from dateless and dumped to a top dating coach, you can and will find someone wonderful then.
Got a dating question for Connell? Email it to [email protected]
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Filed Under: Featured Content, Sex & Relationships Tagged With: advice column, catfishing, Connell Barrett, dating, dating advice, relationship advice
About Connell Barrett
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Connell Barrett is a dating coach for men, the founder of DatingTransformation.com, a podcaster, and the author of Dating Sucks but You Don’t, a da goodting guide for men.
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